


a half step too late

by warmkape



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Sexual Content, Frustration, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Moving On, just one scene though, why am I doing this, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmkape/pseuds/warmkape
Summary: Suna tries to move on, taking baby steps after his break up with Osamu. There comes Tsukishima Kei, bringing him joy and wonder in some ways he never thought of. They aren’t contrasting opposites. Silence used to fear him, but with Kei, he starts to feel love and comfort - maybe this is Kei’s love language. Suna has yet to learn more.He’s happy, he’s moving on. He loves Tsukishima Kei.Or so he thinks.
Relationships: Suna Rintarou/Tsukishima Kei
Kudos: 27
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	a half step too late

**Author's Note:**

> can be a sequel to "time changes (so do we)." can be not. either way, you don’t need to read the other one to fully understand this!   
> first time writing an explicit scene so?!?!? SCREAMS. that's why it's rated as mature. please go easy on me T_T i didn't beta-read either so there may be mistakes and all that. not good with arguments either so T_T CRIES.
> 
> this is d-2 for hq angst week! ("was i ever enough?")

Kei truly loves Suna. The first time he laid his eyes on him, it wasn’t a cheesy, romantic, epiphanic type of scenario. It was far from that. He works at a local bar as a bartender, mixing drinks for their customers during the wee hours. Suna was one of those customers, making a small fuss to himself as he strides further inside the bar, capturing a few looks from the other customers, clearly irritated at how he ruins the soft jazz music playing in the background. 

Who wouldn’t want to hear some overly sentimental man ranting to himself about his boyfriend? 

Ex-boyfriend, Kei corrects himself, after he strikes a conversation with him. He also learned that Suna likes his drink sweet and strong. He orders mild ones at first, drinking the content in satisfaction. Then he orders a stronger one after a few glasses, then the strongest one in the menu once the clock hits 3 o’clock. He ends up slightly drunk by the time Kei has to force him out of the bar so he could fix the tables and chairs. 

Suna is an interesting person to deal with, Kei thinks. Suna became a regular at the bar yet it took a month or so for Kei to ask,  _ why are you here so often? Got rejected?  _ To which the latter answered,  _ Is heartbroken the only reason for people to drink?  _

True to that, Kei didn’t pry further. Though, he still believes there’s something more to know about him. Suna looks empty, his smile doesn’t reach his eyes, and his laugh becomes constrained whenever Kei tries to crack up a joke or two (for the record, he isn’t really good with jokes, anyway). 

Instead, he has this goal to be closer to Suna. He likes him. He isn’t the type to play stupid with himself or be in denial that his feelings for Suna grow stronger each time he enters the bar, immediately walking towards where Kei is. 

The next month after, Kei asks Suna on a date. The latter was hesitant at first but Kei was reassuring enough to convince him that he doesn’t need to pressure himself to think that he’s obligated to reciprocate any of his feelings. 

_ “Did you just… indirectly confess?” Suna looked at him, mouth agape. Kei shrugged, “I guess so?” His hand finds Suna’s, gently yet securely holding it. As much as Kei wanted to intertwine them together, he didn’t want to make Suna uncomfortable. “So, what do you say? There’s still less than three hours until sunrise.”  _

_ “We’re not sleeping?!” Suna gasps. Kei snorts, rolling his eyes in amusement before dragging him to a nearby store that rents bicycles. “Hop on,” Kei tells him, and Suna did as told, reluctantly wrapping his arms around him. Kei pulls his arms, securely wrapping it. “Don’t want you to fall, now do we?” At that moment, he starts pedaling.  _

_ Suna finds himself in a village a few blocks away from where they first were. “Grandma, good morning! You’re up earlier today.” Kei greets, hopping down the bicycle. Suna followed suit. He greets the old woman as well, watching her pass a brown bag filled with round bread. “It smells good,” He comments, thanking the old lady as Kei motions to follow him. _

_ A park. Cliche. Kei leans the bicycle behind the bench they were sitting at. Silence followed, only the sounds of them chewing filled. Suna hates this. He didn’t like silence. It pulls him into an endless void of thoughts that he never thought he would find himself thinking.  _

_ Would Kei go back to his words? Is he too boring? He wasn’t exactly sweet, either, even when he and Osamu were一 _

_ Ah, fuck. There he goes again. _

_ The insecurity of not being able to tell if he was loving his partner enough. If he was even loving them correctly because Suna is probably the half-assed person in the relationship.  _

_ No wonder Osamu’s love for him faded. _

_ “Rin,” Kei called, snapping out from his thoughts. He feels his rough palm on his cheek. Right, Kei used to play volleyball and he still does. He didn’t even notice that he was crying until Kei’s fingers moved to wipe it away. “I like your presence, Rin. You don’t have to pressure yourself to talk all the time. Just having you is enough.”  _

_ Suna sighs, tears choking out as Kei gently pushes his head towards him, letting him lean on his shoulder. How does he know? Suna’s mind is getting messy. Kei always knew what words to tell him. Was he easy to read?  _

_ Kei remains still, letting the silence do its thing to comfort Suna 一 somehow, he hopes.  _

Suna learns that silence is part of Kei’s dynamics. He finds himself spending more time with him, outside the wee hours. Other than being a pro volleyball player, Kei works part-time at the bar where he met him.  _ Is it still part-time if he sees him there every day? Does he not get tired?  _ Suna never bothered to ask. 

The next few months became smoother for Suna. It’s like it became a part of his daily routine to have Kei around him during the most random hours of the day. He finds himself visiting the bar, though not drinking for the same reason he had a few months ago. “I said _water_ , asshole,” Suna hisses as his face scrunches at the strong taste of vodka leaving in his tongue. “Yeah, you look like you need a drink tonight. Still thinking of him?” Kei points out. 

_ Ah, busted.  _ Suna chuckles to himself. There’s really no way to get out of Kei’s grasp, huh? He reads people too well, he notices. No point at lying either because he knows Kei will find out sooner or later. “Just thinking. Not missing him or anything.”

Kei only hums in return. 

**~ ✦ ~**

**!! NSFW !!**

Suna breathes heavily, shivering as his back arched upon feeling Kei’s head dipping lower as he takes his cock fully inside his mouth. A satisfied hum comes across Kei’s lips, sending vibrations across Suna’s body as he arches his back once more in satisfaction, a loud moan ringing across the four walls. 

Suna pants, his hand finding its way on Kei’s soft locks, gripping it harder and harder as Kei’s movements start to pacen up. 

“Faster,” The words slip out of his mouth, buckling his hips upwards as it hits the back of Kei’s throat, making him groan. _“Faster.”_ He chants Kei’s name afterwards as the latter did as told. He curses, “I’m com _一Fuck._ Kei!” Suna growls when the latter immediately pulls away, a lazy smirk appearing on his lips as he stares down at him.

“Be patient, baby,” He leans forward to purr against his ear, “We’re almost done.” 

Suna gasps, feeling the tip of Kei’s cock against his hole. His legs were pulled over Kei’s shoulders, thighs resting against his chest as Kei put more of his weight on top of him, folding him. 

Suna hisses as Kei’s cock sinks further inside him, soon turning into desperate moans once Kei was balls deep inside him. He moves his hips in a slow, torturous pace that Suna can’t endure further. “Kei,” He breathes, “ _ Please. _ ” He begs, hand trembling to reach for his aching cock. Kei smiles, an evil one that is, as he grabs hold of his wrist, “Not allowed, baby.” 

Suna swears he feels his stomach fluttering each time Kei calls him that.

Heck, he doesn’t even know how they ended up like this. All he remembers is he was casually drinking with Kei at his apartment. The sounds of the TV drowned in their ears, going mute as Suna indulged himself into a rant session about Osamu, about them, about  _ him  _ as a failure of a boyfriend he was and all the insecurities he felt poured out right in front of Kei. 

Then he remembers Kei hovering over him, chanting sweet melodic praises at him as he never tore his gaze off him. Sincere, gentle, and kind; something that he doesn’t see often on him on a regular basis when they’re outside. 

Maybe it’s the alcohol they drank. Maybe it’s the unresolved tension that quietly grew bigger as time passed by, both mutually pining for each other. For all they both know, Kei loves Suna, and Suna wants to love him just the same way. Gradually, at some point, Suna starts to pay more attention to him. He’s learning to love Kei and the thought comes across:  _ Perhaps I do. I was just scared.  _

Scared that the same thing will happen. Scared that Kei will grow tired of waiting for him to heal and leave him just as Osamu did.

Then the next thing he knew, he launched towards Kei, arms wrapping around his neck, greedy and hungry.

His thoughts were immediately thrown out the window as his senses kicked back into reality, finding Kei teasing him, keeping the slow pace. He continues to beg, wanting Kei to go fast already. He’s at his limit. He wants to cum. He wants to desperately moan and scream as Kei pounds into him 一 hard and fast until he hears the bed creaking and slamming against the wall as Kei moves. 

“You keep saying please,” Kei hums as he leaves trails of hickeys across his chest, making sure to leave a bite mark after sucking his nipple. “Just  _ what  _ do you want, baby?” Suna curses out loud, “Fuck me. God, fuck me hard, Kei. Hard  _ and  _ fast. Don’t fucking hold back. Cum inside me,  _ please. _ ” 

Kei smiles, “Anything for my baby.”

**~ ✦ ~**

Suna wakes up earlier than usual, groaning as the pain around his body sinks in. He looks around, finding Kei soundly asleep beside him, arms loosely wrapped around him. The events of last night hit him like waves, his cheeks heating up as he remembered every detail. 

Kei’s eyes flutter open, a soft smile immediately forming on his lips as he mutters, voice low and husky, “Good morning.” Suna blushes, burying his face against the latter’s chest. He hears him chuckle under his breath, gripping on his hips as he pushes him closer to him, soft kisses placed on top of his head. 

The butterflies in Suna’s stomach just keep getting wilder.

In silence, Kei mindlessly massages Suna’s back and hips. It’s comforting, the latter thinks. Also funny, now that he comes to think of it. Because if this was a few months back, Suna would’ve been scared down to the core. He hates silence. He wants to hear people talk, let them know what they think; traumatized by the lack of communication he had with Osamu that led him to overthink the smallest stuff.

But with Kei…  _ God,  _ with Kei, it became quite the opposite.

He begins to get used to it. Kei wasn’t much of a man of words. He stares at you for a good minute or two and he’ll act upon whatever conclusion he had in his mind一and fuck, Suna hates how accurate he gets at most times. 

He found love and comfort in silence. Suna learned to embrace this and he made a mental note to thank Kei for this. He isn’t a man of words, either, but he thinks Kei deserves to know about this. All he ever did was rant about Osamu, anyway. Kei deserves to know more about his thoughts.

**~ ✦ ~**

It’s been almost a year since then. Suna and Kei started to date, start anew as Suna wanted to properly do it this time, and Kei gladly accepted his terms (though he still thinks there was no need for it). “You finally learned not to burn your eggs.” Kei teases as he enters the apartment, unannounced as he originally planned to surprise his boyfriend. He drops his bag on the couch, going to where Suna is, and places a kiss on his cheek.

“That was one time. Get over it.” Suna rolls his eyes, transferring the newly cooked scrambled egg to the plate placed on the table. Kei takes a seat, eyes following Suna as he cleans the pots and utensils he used. His mind drifts off to his endless sea of thoughts. Thoughts that he has always pushed back in the back of his mind, now resurfacing as he watches the man he loves before him, clueless to the monsters eating him up 一 slowly but surely until he breaks.

“Rin,” He finds himself calling without a second thought. The latter looked back, dropping the plate he was washing on the sink. It’s a sign for him to continue.

_ Fuck.  _ Kei curses.  _ How does he even start? _

He doesn’t want to hurt Suna. His last heartbreak was already too much for him to bear, what more when he is the reason for Suna to drown himself in heartbreak and despair again? But despite a year into their relationship, there remains an unsettling feeling in Kei’s heart. This feeling he managed to cage for a year is starting to get restless, threatening to free itself. 

Kei was at his breaking point.

He doesn’t want to know. He never wants to know. 

As long as Suna remains with him, looking at him, smiling at him,  _ loving him,  _ who was he to complain?

“Kei,” Suna looks at him worriedly, wiping his hands dry as he walks towards him, cupping his cheek. “Is everything alright? You can tell me anything, right?”  _ Even if it will hurt you?  _ The words almost flew out of his mouth. Kei hums, sinking into a moment of comfort and warmth on Suna’s palms. He doesn’t know where to begin. 

After a while, he managed 一 barely 一 to speak, voice almost turning into a whisper, “Was I ever enough?”

He feels Suna tense. He looks up, seeing his boyfriend look at him, an unreadable expression shown across his face. Horrified? Surprised? Disbelief? For once, Kei couldn’t read Suna properly. 

“... How could you say that?” His voice cracked, “Of course you’re enough, Kei. What made you think that?” 

Kei fell silent. Suddenly, the silence that they used to have no longer carried comfort and love. It returns to be suffocating and harsh. Kei starts to feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and regret. He could’ve stayed their relationship as is, avoiding the conversation in between the lines of Osamu Miya, him, and Suna’s love for the both of them.

He should’ve remained grateful for Suna picking him in the end instead of begging to go back into Osamu’s arms. 

He shouldn’t have overthought about this.

The hands on his cheeks slid down, Suna’s heavy breathing filled the silence between them. “Kei baby,” Suna calls, “You know I love you, right? Tell me, did I do something wrong? Something that… made you feel this way?”

Kei avoids his gaze.  _ No, I can’t.  _ He can’t afford this. He already knows the consequences if he chooses to speak further.

But Suna keeps pleading. The words in his head become louder, berzerk as they may, threatening to uncage themselves from Kei’s mind. It’s dangerous.  _ So dangerous  _ like a storm about to destroy everything that Kei holds dear to him.

And it arrives faster than he expects it to be. 

“KEI, TELL ME!” Suna bursts out, frustrated at the silence that dragged on more than it should. More than Suna could endure. 

“Osamu-san,” Kei answers in a heartbeat. Slowly, their gazes met, breathing heavily in sync as the name processed through their minds, “Osamu-san… You still love him, don’t you?” 

Seconds passed by. Thirty. Forty-five. A minute. 

Suna scoffs out a laugh, “Bullshit.” Kei’s eyes widened. It’s the first time Suna ever cursed 一 one filled with so much hate and disgust. “I  _ love  _ you, Kei. If I still do love him, I wouldn’t have said yes!”

Kei stands up. There’s so much more he wants to ask, answers he wants to hear from Suna, and it’s like he felt a soft push inside of him. Enough to keep him going and no turning back on his words. 

“You’re lost in your thoughts, especially at night,” Kei starts, “I ask you what’s wrong but you don’t tell me, instead, you try convincing me you’re fine. I wake up in the middle of the night, I see you on your phone, scrolling through your old pictures with Osamu-san. We had sex a few times already but I doubt you see the pattern. Every time you ask for it, it’s always after you're deep in your thoughts. Then you一”

“Stop,” Suna pleads quietly.

“一start to learn new things. Cooking, in particular. Onigiri was the first thing you tried to learn instead of the basics like eggs and rice.”

“Kei.  _ Stop _ .”

“You had a sudden change in personality. You’ve always been straightforward, hitting me with those snarky remarks, and sarcastic when it’s fitting. Yet at the most random times, you become modest. Soft. Delicate. You try to change the tone of your voice一”

“TSUKISHIMA!” Suna shouts, no longer bearing to hear more of what he says. 

“I’M NOT OSAMU, OKAY?!” Kei also bursts out in anger, “That’s what you’ve always thought when you were with him! But  _ fuck,  _ Rin, I love you just the way you are! I don’t care if you’re not as soft as his new boyfriend. I love you just as you are, why can’t you understand that?! Why are you still looking for someone who already turned his back on you?!”

Silence embraces them once more. 

Kei curled his hand into a fist, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall, “I’ve always wondered if I was ever enough for you. I’m right  _ here,  _ Rin. I’ve done all I could to make you fall in love with me. To forget  _ him.  _ Yet your heart keeps longing for someone who’s already long gone. Why…” He choked, tears finally rolling down his cheeks, “Why can’t you love me just the same way?”

Suna has no answer to that. Foremost, he never even felt that he was still longing for Osamu. Was he subconsciously longing for him all this time? Did he accept Kei’s proposal for the sole reason to forget about him? Or was it because Kei reminds him of Osamu?

But no, they were two different people; polar opposites, to be exact. His dynamics with Osamu were loud and filled with excitement, whereas his dynamics with Kei was stagnant, silent, and calm. There’s no way Kei reminded him of Osamu.

“Can you do that, Rin?” Kei asks. 

The latter couldn’t respond. 

Kei laughs bitterly, “I guess not.” He looks away, eyes landing on the door a few strides away from him. Without a word, Kei starts to move, grabbing his bag. 

_ No no no,  _ Suna chants, his eyes widening as his gaze follows him. His body remains glued on the spot, too tense to even move, his mind too hazy and a mess to let him make a proper and quick decision. 

_ Was I ever enough?  _ Kei’s question rang in his head. 

Suna takes a step, gradually picking up his pace as Kei opens the door.  _ Please, don’t leave. Not again.  _ He thought. 

_ One step. Two. Three. _

The door slams shut.

Suna abruptly pauses, arm remained stretched out at the closed door across him. He stares, longer than he intended to. He drops his arm; and next, he felt his knees growing weak as his mind processed everything that had happened.

He drops on his knees, a bitter laugh escaping his lips as he leans forward, resting his forehead against the floor. 

_ Was I ever enough?  _ Kei’s voice rang in his head once more.

“Actually,” Suna laughs, as if he was mocking himself for not being able to give a clearer answer, “You’re more than enough.”

Yet he can’t even keep him. Let him know everything he thought about him. It’s too late. He’s a half step too late to grab Kei and pull him back into his arms.

Once again, Suna is alone with no one to reach out to. 

**Author's Note:**

> SCREAMS AGAIN. i guess it's gonna be a series?!? i could see myself connecting my next oneshot for d-3 ("i can't lose you/this too") with this one AAAAH. hope you guys liked this!


End file.
